I guess the time is ripe for midlife crises. Barbie, who happens to be my age, has found her sales dropping due to her squeaky-clean image. I can so relate -- we good girls don't stand a chance out there!
The good news is Ken has had a makeover. It seems a few years back, Barbie ran off with an Aussie surfer named Blaine (and she's still a good girl?). According to Mattel: "Ken, heartbroken, traveled the world in search of himself, making stops in Europe and the Middle East, dabbling in Buddhism and Catholicism, teaching himself to cook and slowly weaning himself off a beach bum life."
Ken found himself thanks to some plastic surgery, a new hairdo and some metrosexual clothes. Not bad, dude! Even the motorcycle jacket might help.
But it still falls short. What Barbie needs to break her image and find new popularity is a bad boy! Give ber Biker Bill. Isn't that what we all want? At least, someone who's metro on the inside but rugged outside. Not someone who will fight for time in front of the mirror.
Give him some facial hair, a five o'clock shadow. Better yet, a "we finally collapsed and fell asleep somewhere around 3 a.m." shadow.
A zen-on-the-inside guy is great, but isn't time Barbie was allowed to get some action? Give Barbie the new Dream Date: let Ken read her the poetry he's written about her then rip her stockings off with his teeth. She's waited so long, doesn't she deserve a good time before Ken starts leaving his teeth in a glass in the bathroom before bed?
After all this time, she deserves the perfect man.
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